WIT AND HUMOR – A FUNNY SITE BY BOB WAYNE

As I’m sure you’re all aware, Piggy has an attitude problem. Of course, the fact that pork is cheaper than beef or chicken these days so his relatives are being consumed by the truckload probably doesn’t help.

He caught me munching on a bag of pork rinds the other day and threw a brick at me. Nope, Piggy doesn’t have a sense of humor.

So this morning we were playing a rousing game of Hangpig and snacking on Twizzler cherry bites when he looked me square in the eye and told me his latest theory about humans.

You’ve heard of the Big Bang Theory of the Universe? This isn’t it. This is Piggy’s Big Bag Theory of Women. It goes like this:

Being a pig, all humans look alike to him. So he decided to come up with a relativity scale of the ugliest women to the prettiest women. (This all stems from Piggy hearing the “turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse” and “putting makeup on a pig” insults. Sorry, he took them personally.)

Anyway, since he noticed human women have to put on makeup to make themselves presentable (unlike sows who Piggy claims are all naturally beautiful), his theory is that the uglier they are, the more makeup they have to haul around to make themselves look like a silk purse.

So his Official Big Bag Theory goes: The bigger the purse, the uglier the woman.

So ladies, if you want to look pretty to a pig, get a clutch purse.