WIT AND HUMOR – A FUNNY SITE BY BOB WAYNE

Last night, the Diva Drew and I met Dr. Brenda Kayzar of the University of Minnesota at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis to hear Teddy Cruz speak. Teddy is a Guatemala-born architect who is busy working at ground zero at the deadly border between the slumbering city of San Diego and the war-mongering hordes in the slums of Tijuana, Mexico.

I mean, while it was only a sidebar to his main points, Teddy showed us slides directly from the Homeland Security website demonstrating how our billions of tax dollars are being spent to create the new Iron Curtain or better yet, the modern incarnation of the Great Wall of China. No, no, it’s the new Maginot Line! Keep out the ravening Nazi hordes!

It’s all part of Mexico’s insidious plan to conquer America! Any day now, all the gardeners and roofers and cooks will pull their Kalashnikov rifles out from under their pillows and shoot us all in our sleep. Thank god the Republicans have their priorities straight!

I remember when the country got hysterical over all those damned Irish coming in and taking the jobs no one wanted. Or when those damned Poles came over and took the jobs in the steel mills Americans weren’t clambering for. Or when we put all those damned Japanese-Americans in internment camps to keep them from ravaging the country.

I can see the headlines now:

VICIOUS MEXICAN MILITARY SWEEPS ACROSS THE BORDER!

The 23 HumVees in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s driveway were no match for the bloodthirsty First Army of Mexico. Thousands of tanks, armored personnel carriers and troops stormed the border! Artillery shells and cruise missiles took out our power generators and water purification plants…oh wait. No, I’m thinking of Iraq.

“C’mon Grandpa! Tell us the story how Mexico conquered America…”

“Sure kids. It all started when the hysterical Fascist wing of the Republican party started clamboring for protection from the evil Mexicans…”

Anyway, let’s get to something really important. We have a new Public Service Announcement from Piggy! Since Minnesota has banned smoking in public places, Piggy wants to warn you about the dangers of smoking in private places…