BOB WAYNE’S WEBLOG

Piggy is tired of finding his family in the freezer so he’s hired a marketing firm to create a campaign to stop people from eating pork.
Here are a few of the tag lines they’ve come up with:
“CHICKEN - IT’S THE ONLY WHITE MEAT”
“DON’T EAT PIGS BECAUSE PIGS EAT POOP”
“DO YOU REALLY WANT TO EAT [...]

Piggy found a new place to get away from the summer heat. Of course, little does Piggy know he’s in for a big surprise…stay tuned… 

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St. Reptilicus Wants YOU! - To buy him a beer!

Yes, Piggy is very upset about the Chinese Olympics. He’s been glued to the TV waiting to see who’s competing in Mud Rolling. We didn’t have the heart to tell him there is no Mud Rolling category.
What can I say? It’s a popular sport with piggies. In fact, it’s the only sport amongst piggies. [...]

I took my friend Dawn to an oral surgeon yesterday and then gave her a ride home afterwards. Since she got gassed, she missed all the festivities in her mouth.
I learned a few things though from seeing her in the recovery room after the surgery. I really hate seeing my friends so frail, fragile [...]

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) ?
For the first time in its history, the Como Zoo has birthed a baby piggie.
The small porker burst from its dis-reputable mother on Thursday in the Zoo’s Pig Pen.
Historically, Zoos throughout the United States have had trouble producing piggies due to the animal’s unusual breeding practices. Rumors abound concerning leather and shackles.
Como [...]

The Diva Drew left for France Tuesday on a three week performance tour with the Rose Ensemble. She had promised Piggy she’d take him with her but, being the lazy slug that he is (what the hell, he’s a pig), he slept in and missed the flight.
He has been inconsolable. No lovely French truffles. [...]

Piggy has finally reached the end of his rope. Loneliness has overwhelmed his desire to be a…well, uhm,,,a pig. He’s determined to slim down and find the perfect girl.
So Piggy has created his own diet that combines his love of chocolate with his complete lack of self control.
He eats everything he wants, anytime he [...]

The Diva Drew just came back from another triumphant tour in Europe with The Rose Ensemble. They were performing in a festival outside of Milan, Italy for two weeks.
She told me that there were horse races through the streets of these small neighborhoods as part of the festival. Each neighborhood had its own colorful [...]

I was in the bathroom today getting ready to brush my teeth and I heard a commercial on TV. They said if you eat the secret sauce, you can expose your underarms. Of course, the water was running. Maybe I got it wrong…

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If Piggy sees another news story about the Obama Clinton Primary soap opera, I swear to god he’s going postal. However, he has a solution. Lock the two candidates in a room together. Drop a gun from a trap door in the ceiling. Whoever walks out, wins.
Of course, this theory is presented by the same pig who thought the solution to [...]

Yeah, I know. You look out the window here in Minneapolis and you can watch the snow falling. Hell, more like blowing like a banshee.
But I have clear evidence that it’s spring. I was cleaning the guest house where Piggy lives yesterday, and I found three prescription bottles of Viagra under his bed. And to top [...]

That’s right…spatulas. I’ve got five of them in my utensil drawer. Do they breed? Are they spreading like the Black Plague?
And that’s just the normal ones. You know, the kind you’d flip your pancakes or burgers with. Then there’s the flexible rubber ones and the metal ones that look like a boat rudder. And what [...]

What the hell was she thinking? Did her dad (Tony Curtis) do commercials? Did her mom (Vivien Leigh) do commercials? Does the Pope bear wood in the forest? Hell, I don’t know but I’ve probably just offended a half dozen Catholics. But that’s okay because I’m watching The Tudors and the Pope is just not [...]

Okay, maybe this is only important to car geeks but…Jaguar bought by TaTa Motors of China? It was offensive enough to the poor Brits when a bunch of cowboys from Detroit had the balls to rip Jaguar from the clutches of the Tea & Biscuit set and turn them into Forduars. But this?
Bought by Tata [...]

It was one of the last true snowfalls of winter. The snow danced, the wind sang, the trees quivered and snuggled into their fresh white blanket. Robert Frost and Walt Whitman waxed and waned on the excellence of Minnesota winters. Piggy perched in quiet solitude…gently framed in thoughts of spring…and Piggy frolicking…

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Piggy is hopping mad and he’s not going to take it anymore. Those of you who make fun of St. Reptilicus are in deep doo-doo. Piggy has sworn to do the Feral Piggy Dance on your forehead until you admit that:

There’s no god but St. Reptilicus
All who make fun of St. Reptilicus are closet swineophobes
We’re [...]

Last night the Diva Drew and I were watching a little TV. Luckily, our video coma was interrupted by previews of a movie called “The Ruins”.
Oh my god, the previews were so bad we thought it was a gag commercial. You know, like the ones they do on Saturday Night Live. We kept waiting for the punch line.
First, [...]

It was late. They’d reached the bottom of the box of cheap drunken tramp and disco CDs were scattered across the floor. They’d been consumed by the feral Piggy dance. Their lips had brushed and then clung in quiet desperation. And now they stared across the rumpled pillows into each other’s eyes. Piggy’s tenderloins ached with [...]

The Diva Drew and I were watching TV the other night and a commercial came on for Levitra.They mentioned in the commercial that we could find Levitra in the latest issue of This Old House. How cool is that? You can erect a house with Levitra! That’s some potent shit, man!

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Okay. I’m not even going to try and explain what we were doing here. Suffice it to say it was about 10 o’clock on a Friday night and, I hate to admit it, but the Diva Drew and I were stone cold sober. See Piggy in action:

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