WIT AND HUMOR – A FUNNY SITE BY BOB WAYNE

Yep, I wrote a college humor memoir about my freshman year of college back in 1975. And I’m going to publish it right here in this blog; one chapter at a time.

Why?

Why not?

A little warning about the book.

It’s full of drug and alcohol use. If that offends you, I wouldn’t touch this wanker with a propane blow torch!

So put on the asbestos gloves, kick back to a little Derek and the Dominoes, light up a doo…uh…I mean, pour yourself a nice glass of chardonnay, and enjoy:

Troutman Penthouse

(A quick note about the stupid title)

Every time I give someone a copy of the book they say, “Wow, you wrote a book about Penthouse magazine?”

And I say, “Nooo, we lived on the top floor of Troutman Hall at Central Michigan University so we called our floor Troutman penthouse. Get it?”

All you get today is the “teasers” at the front of the book and the Table of Contents. QUIT YER WHINING! I’ll have the first chapter up in a couple of days. Three if you keep up your whining!

Shameless Teaser #1

“So how many girls do you want at the table when you get there?”
He sprayed on Right Guard and slapped on English Leather.
“You’re kidding.”
Ken laughed and pulled on his jeans. “No, baby, it’s cool. Just tell me how many girls you want and I’ll have ‘em waitin’ when you get there.”
He tucked in his shirt and slipped on a belt.
“Five.”
“No problem,” Ken smirked, stepping into his black slip-ons and swaggering out the door.

Shameless Teaser #2

“Road trip”
“What, Brucey?”
“Road trip, Bobwhite. That’s what we need.” Brucey stared at me, a joint dangling from the corner of his mouth.
“Where could we go? Who’s driving?”
“I’ll drive,” Airforce jumped in. “We can take my van.”
“Let’s go to Lake Michigan, man,” suggested Boo Boo. “Sleep on the beach. Have a bonfire. Roast hotdogs and marshmallows.”
“Cool. Lets go.”
Doesn’t anyone ever plan anything any more, I wondered? What about maps, food, clean underwear? Jesus Christ, I sound like my mother. I shook my head, swallowed my misgivings, and followed the other three out the door.

Copyright © 2005 Bob Wayne

10-Digit ISBN 1-59113-766-7
13-Digit ISBN 978-1-59113-766-5

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

Printed in the United States of America.

2005

Written by Bob Wayne
Illustrations by Brian Kelly

CAST OF CHARACTERS

“There’s no place like home…there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home.”

-Napoleon Bonaparte

THE GUYS

Brucey the Youper -  Refugee from Marquette, MI. Pot dealer. My best friend.

Boo Boo –  Teddy bear with a blood lust. Spoke great German…drunk.

Dan -  Ex-paratrooper roomie. Veritable antique of twenty-four.

Jim -  Tall, skinny, gay roomie; chick magnet; great album collection.

Rollo -  Half-crazed Mexican Texan

Goatbeater -  Closet farmer. As in hydroponically growing dope in his dorm closet.

Big Jeff -  Liked see-saws, windows, and drinking way too much.

Little Jeff -  Skinny little bundle of attitude. Mister-demeanor.

Pewamo -  What…me worry? Small-town firecracker. Howdy Doody look-alike.

Farmer -  Uh…farmer; great pool player; sharp ‘71 Pontiac Lemans.

Don -  Wanna-be hippie son of a small town insurance salesman…what?

Airforce -  Air Force survivor with a microbus and a homemade one-hit bong. I’ve buried healthier looking people.

Tripper -  Drug dealer who liked piranhas.

Mike -  Tall and skinny product of Dow Chemical. From Midland, MI.

Governor Blondy -  Frank Zappa’s flip side; floor governor. From Flushing, MI.

Ken -  Roomie; inverse Oreo; drove the farm girls wild.

THE GALS

Terri -  A love lost; party girl with a twist.

Crazy Jane -  One scary drugs, sex, and rock n roll broad. Guv’s…friend.

Cindy -  Sweet drug-addict. Tab THC anyone?

Annie Petanie -  Cheerleader with brains. Oxymoron mambo.

The 3  cheerleaders -  Charley’s Angels without the special effects.

Bing & Bong -  Two little jars of the same brand of nuts.

Lisa -  Hot but inaccessible sophomore.

Sherry -  The reason Kiss fan is short for fanatic.

Jackie -  A painful lesson in one night stands. Lisa’s roomie.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Free At Last

Brucey The Yuper

Nicknames & Balderdash

Drunk & Stupid

The Secret of Somebody Else’s Success

Disco Virgin

Frisbee Dodge

Eighteenth Birthday

Smokin’ OP’s

Bing & Bong

Tripper

Brine Wells

Maggies Staggies

The Kegger

Dunes

Full Moon

I Wanna Rock And Roll All Night…

Just Another Fucking Saturday

Adventures With Crazy Jane

The Bird

Terri

Tequila Night

Autopsy

The Allnighter

Crossing The River Styx

The Streak

Hash Bash

The Last Acid Trip

I’m goin’ home, home, home, home, home!

Whining

Trials

Goodbye

The next blog post will probably be the first chapter…if I don’t hear any more whining…