Spatula Diversity - social commentary or alien influence?That’s right…spatulas. I’ve got five of them in my utensil drawer. Do they breed? Are they spreading like the Black Plague?

And that’s just the normal ones. You know, the kind you’d flip your pancakes or burgers with. Then there’s the flexible rubber ones and the metal ones that look like a boat rudder. And what the hell is up with TABLE SPOONS?

Did we really need another spoon? I can’t even get it in my mouth! It’s too small to use for serving. Is there some secret congress of table service makers? A hidden cabal of spoon officionados? Did they decide to make a tablespoon because there’s a measurement called a tablespoon? What do we need it on the table for? So the guests can measure their servings?

And soup spoons? I totally don’t get soup spoons. Who has a mouth shaped like that? Maybe Julia Roberts. I can’t eat soup with a soup spoon. I’ve got a damned spoon on the table and it works just fine! Get thee away evil soup spoon!

And I really love this: Dessert forks. I mean, c’mon! Is your goddamned dessert so dainty it’ll keel over dead if you stick a hearty fork in it? We don’t need no stinkin’ desert forks!

St. Reptilicus Wants YOU! - To buy him a beer!