WIT AND HUMOR -A FUNNY SITE BY BOB WAYNE

Piggy is back and all he does is walk around the house saying, “Ciao Baby…Ciao Baby.” I swear I’m going to change his name to Prosciutto and see if the Italians get the hint next time.

I’m constantly regaled with stories of his exploits in Italy. Most of them involve public acts of depredation or private acts of debauchery that can’t be repeated in polite or even downright rude conversation.

How much is one-way plane fare to Italy for one pig named Prosciutto?

Piggy better watch his step or he’s going to wind up in an Italian sausage pizza. Now he’s preachin’ to the congregation.

I told him not to go blabbing his Piggy Power slogans all over Italy but you know Piggy. Everyone has a right to his opinion.

At least he’s taking the time to ‘take in the sights.’ The Diva Drew took him to a museum and, of course, he had to be the center of attention. God only knows if The Rose Ensemble will ever be invited back to Italy after Piggy’s rampage through the cathedrals, museums and gelato shops.

He may have gotten them banned from France after his ‘incident’ in Paris. Of course, it was quietly hushed up by the CIA and the French Foriegn Legion.

Will we ever know the true facts? Probably not. Piggy won’t talk (amazingly) and the files were buried under layers of security and Top Secret classifications.

Not exactly an angel. Even St. Reptilicus knows better…

Piggy LOVES modern art Italian-style…although there seems something truly perverse about this picture…

The Diva Drew left yesterday afternoon for Italy with the Rose Ensemble. They are performing at a two week choral festival outside Milan. Piggy, of course, went with her. That stupid pig gets to go everywhere. What about Bob?

I suppose it’s some consolation that they didn’t get too far. Their plane was delayed in Minneapolis for 2 1/2 hours due to weather in Newark. Didn’t delay the flight to Italy, however. The Rosies got to New Jersey just in time to watch their plane take off for Italy. Without them.

And, of course, the airline told them “too bad, next flight for Italy leaves tomorrow at 6:30pm. You can sleep in the terminal or go get yourselves a hotel room. Not our problem.”

If the government wants to nationalize something, they should nationalize the airlines. They couldn’t possibly run them any worse than the airlines do. The airlines have raised miserable flight experiences and lousy service to a fine art.

Anyway, to proceed with our story, the Diva Drew got a room along with the rest of the Rosies. As you can see, the view was lovely. Do people actually live in Newark? If so, why?

Well, as we all know, the music industry is all Glitz & Glamour. Especially for Early Music groups. Their popularity is right up there with Pink and Justin Timberlake. Really.

So we can all imagine how they eat on the road. Luckily, that’s not an issue for Piggy. Despite his predilection for truffles, he will eat most anything. He just wants to stuff his face.

Piggy’s stomach started growling and believe me, that’s not something you want to hear cooped up in a crappy hotel room. So the Diva went hunting for sustenance and Piggy dragged her into one of his favorite places.

I guess no one should be surprised this place makes Piggy happy. Anyway, they spent a quiet night at the hotel in Newark and checked out today at 1pm. Since there was nothing else to do, they went back to the airport and sat there until 6:30pm. Yep, it’s all glitz and glam.

Luckily, this time they got off the ground. And it should be no surprise to anyone that Piggy hogged the window seat. Why the hell she takes him anywhere is beyond me. He’s nothing but an ungrateful pain in the butt.

Sigh…but he’s our pain in the butt. I’ll let you know how things go in Italy. Knowing Piggy, there should be no lack of insanity. In case you’re wondering why the Diva Drew puts up with all the “glitz & glam” to sing with the Rose Ensemble, listen to this…

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